Thank you all

Each morning I wake up, I’m still surprised that I was diagnosed with cancer, but everyday I’m almost more surprised with all the kindness and generosity that I have received since hearing the news. I wish I could thank each of you personally for your support and donations, but for now I hope this blog entry expressing my gratitude will suffice. First and foremost, thank you John Guydon and Joe Sanders for creating the donation page and spreading the word. I always knew that being part of the CU football team and family was a special experience in which only those who have lived it can understand.  Even though I haven’t seen or spoken to many former players, we are brothers for life. The saying, “BUFF FOR LIFE” has a whole new meaning to me now. I have always been proud of where I went to school, played football and learned many life lessons, but I am more proud today to be a BUFF because of the awesome alumni who represent the university and support a fellow buff in need. I no longer think of “buff for life” as just being a fan of the university for life, but rather an unspoken bond between former students, current students and fans of the university who support one another for life.

 I know that all of you who donated do not call CU your Alma mater, which brings me to the second thing I have learned during this time. That is, overall, people are GOOD. You may know that I work in law enforcement, and I see a different side of people that makes you question a lot of things about them. In some ways, it has changed my views of people, but after all of the support I have gotten during this experience, I see good people always outweigh the bad. All of your kindness has given me a new outlook on life and the power of people coming together. I look at people differently now and realize how important relationships are. In fact, one of my doctors (knowing I’m a huge Buff fan) was reluctant to tell me he went to CSU. It’s funny how it seems so silly to care about something like that now in the whole scheme of things. Before we are graduates from somewhere, we are all just people.  A CSU grad (among many others) is helping to save my life. I told him I will never say anything negative about CSU again, but he gave me permission to one day a year on game day. Finally, some of you have showed your support and donated, who don’t even know me! Thank you. You all have inspired me to live each day feeling blessed, and I feel lucky to have so many great people in my corner. “Never doubt that a group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has” Margaret Mead. All your support has changed my life and I thank you!



Popcorn Machine

Hello everyone! Good news, I was finally discharged from the hospital about a week ago, even though my neutrophil level was only around 500. I was so happy to be home, but I was having these almost anxiety attacks. My first night home I just kept walking back and forth throughout the house.  I had no idea what I was doing or what I wanted to do. Like Forest Gump once said, “I just felt like running.” I just felt like walking around.  The first few nights home I would feel a bit anxious and continued to wake up at 4am like I was still in the hospital, I even took a few 5am walks around the neighborhood to try and relax.  I felt very overwhelmed with the simplest things and I was having a very hard time explaining this feeling to Abbey. I later learned from one of my doctors (who is a cancer survivor herself), that I’m experiencing something called, “chemo brain.” There is no true definition, but it’s where you feel, like I said, very overwhelmed and over stimulated. My doctor described it as having ADD or having a popcorn machine going in your head that you can’t turn off. It’s frustrating, but nice to know that it is common. I’ve been getting a lot better now and I’m starting to feel like my old self again. I can definitely feel a difference in my body after the treatment I had.  I’ve been enjoying being at home with Abbey. We’ve spent most our time putting baby gadgets together and taking the dog on walks. Our one year wedding anniversary was on Monday. We spent the day at the doctors getting my bone marrow biopsy. I had Abbey recorded it this time, and she got to see it twice!  The doctor couldn’t extract the piece of bone from the instrument used to get the bone sample, so she had to go in and get another one, ouch. We are waiting on the results to see if the chemo put the Leukemia into remission. If I am in remission, I will have to do three more rounds of consolidation chemo treatments, over the next few months. This should start next week.  I’ll keep you all posted as soon as I find out. Again, I am so thankful to have so much support from so many people!!!


This is the video that helped me laughed my fever off

More cow bell… I’ve got a fever

WOW  . . . that was a trying week; to say the least.  Sorry for not keeping up with my blog, but I was in rare form the past few days. A week ago I was almost certain I would have raised my immune system and be on my way home, but instead my neutrophils dropped drastically. Unable to fight off infections, I quickly got one on my throat, and boy was it nasty. I was unable to speak much or eat, losing 10 pounds for the week (down 25 lbs total) and had a fever for several days. Previously, when I’ve had a fever the nurses would give me a nice warm blanket, but now they’ve become hard core. I had to put ice packs under my arms, a cold cloth on my forehead, and no more blankets. Good thing I got some practice with the cold tub in college! Fevers are no fun! I’ve been hooked up to antibiotics and although I’m feeling better, my throat is still infected. I’m hoping that as soon as it heals my levels will go up. Please send positive vibes my way to help raise my blood levels. Other than that, things are the same. I’m STILL in this hospital room 31 days to be exact. Enjoy the weather! From what I can see out my window, it looks nice.

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